Lose the Jargon

Every group of people, particularly at work, has its own vocabulary and on rare occasions it is accurate and/or useful shorthand. Those occasions are not in my daily world. I have a physical reaction to certain words and phrases, including:

1) Ping: “Can you ping John and see if 11am works for the call?” No, but I can email or call him. Let’s use real verbs shall we?
2) Touch-base: “We have a touch-base every Wednesday to run through project updates.” I fail to understand why the word meeting is no longer sufficient. I understand touching base, but changing this into a noun bothers me.
3) In the weeds: “Dude, I have so many presentations to turn today, totally in the weeds.” So Patrick Bateman.

We would all be better served using our real words rather than adopting the short hand (or at least much thereof) ingrained in the cultures we join. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid.

Hitting the Gym

Going to the gym in the middle of the day as a working individual means one of two things: you couldn’t care less or you hours are so bad your down time is midday. I suppose it is also possible you have the greatest setup ever, and can not only go to yoga at noon but enter and exit the office during daylight hours. If that is the case, let’s talk, I’d like in on what you’ve got. Seeing you with your gym bag as I’m waiting in line to grab lunch to eat at my desk… Sign. Me. Up.

Puddle Jumping

I didn’t have time to think about anything but work today. Sat down, non stop work for 12.5 hours and lunch at 4. Lunch eaten only because it was packed and a 10 second walk to the kitchen. I’m not even sure what day it is or whether the milk in my fridge has expired or if it is usable for the bowl of cereal I will attempt to eat for dinner before going immediately to bed and maximizing my sleep hours.

On days like this, my 20 minute walk to and from the office is my sole comfort. Thus dealing with the giant puddles of morning and evening hose water that seem to always be freshly sprayed across the sidewalk on every block on my route right at the time I am commuting becomes literally the bane of my existence, to the point I briefly considered marching into one establishment and berating whoever was responsible for the dirty drops that end up all over my legs due to flip flop physics. And no, I will not change my footwear. Sneakers and work clothes are absolutely verboten.

Feedback for The Man

I’m a big believer in feedback. Customer service centers know me well. I got a traffic light changed in Manhattan thanks to a thoughtful email about rush hour traffic flow to the Department of Transportation. Feedback can yield amazing things, including sweet coupons and thank you letters from the lower Manhattan borough commissioner (now framed, naturally.)

The key is 360 – bottom up opinions are just as valuable as top down. The Man should keep this in mind when soliciting for reviews – what I wouldn’t give to provide my thoughts on the management styles of my higher ups over the years.

The Style Blogger

Recognizing that I myself would be thrilled to exist solely on the awesomeness of my online musings, I can’t quite figure out the subset of professional style blogger which appears to make oodles of dough for simply taking pictures of their daily outfits. Dressing well is grand, but rewarding an individual monetarily for getting dressed strikes me as more than a bit much. They clearly live lives outside a cubicle, so kudos – equally possible I am just bitter. Here’s hoping snappy words will prove just as valuable as a hot pair of pumps.

Trash Can Safety Patrol

I’m all for recycling. Big fan of separating my cans and bottles. Apparently those placed in my office trash can are in mortal danger. So glad someone is looking out for their safety.

No One Will Take You Seriously

With a name like Cookie. You are not a Maltipoo. I addressed an email to such a person today and already know I will delete the response without even reading in the preview pane.

The A/C Is Too Damn High

It is June 13 and I am sitting at my desk wearing a scarf and wrapped in a blanket. Unacceptable. Further, in a cost cutting environment, why are the consultants axing trash bin liners (oh yes, that happened) and not just turning up the thermostat? Based on my summer electric bills that can’t be anything less than a huge expense. I could charge serious dough to impart this brilliant wisdom on corporate clients and be sitting on a warm beach with a frozen margarita right now. Market opportunity noted.

Gotcha

I totes got caught by my new boss surfing the internet this afternoon as he came back from a meeting. Self judgment: epic fail. There’s nothing worse for a Type A than shock and disappointment on the face of someone you’re desperate to please/who controls your bonus. Even if it was only for twelve seconds on my favorite semi-annual sale. I think made it up with something he called “great lateral thinking” an hour later. Score back to zero.

New Job

Starting a new job is terrifying. I’m good with names, but trying to remember twenty people all of whom know who you are and none of whom you recall when you see them an hour later in the hallway is a serious challenge. Here’s to a lot of “Hey, You!” greetings.